Once I Could Make Sense

As I lay before you here - gray, thin, bedraggled, sick and weak - Hang on for just a moment!

Just as now I am pausing in my vigorous, full-color life, equally as vibrant as yours is to you

Just as the long-dead doctor who spanked me into life so far in my past was, way back then

Do you try to imagine as he did then, and I did later, that you are me and I am you?

I was a boy who was glad not to have been created as an adult and especially not an old man

This useless and wornout husk you see now, did once actually quiver and overflow with life

Slowly, so slowly, despite all my best efforts and intentions, it must have all come to this

I lay gurgling, learned to crawl, walked, ran, walked again, sat down and now lay here, still

I apologize in advance and thank you so much from the real part of a life to your busy future

I likely don’t have a lot to say right now, but know that once even I could make a little sense

This shrunken and dried chrysalis, from which I am about to emerge, actually served me well

These bent and twisted fingers that can now barely even feed me, could make a daily music

I know not if memories of any of this will remain across the years, to my shrunken perspective

But once a light burned so furious and bright it often brought joyful tears to my eyes

I sat with my elders and later, my loved ones closer than you sit to me now and pondered

Are my eyes empty and blank, drugged or filled with pain, with no trace of this life now?

Once my faculties were sharp and my reflexes quick and I took the measure of this world

Its hard now to believe that I will strive merely not to soil my sheets and can barely sit up to eat

Yes, I knew the impossibility of imagining the weak and withered as the young and strong

But, I swear to you that my own life was no faded photograph, incomparable to your present

The meaning of my time may well be invisible to you and forgotten by me…but here it is real

I may have forgotten running miles, skiing steep slopes and swimming those huge blue swells

So, go ahead and make your pronouncements but simply remember that I made them, too

For all that remains to me is all that will remain to you, far sooner than you can prepare for

I grope for clever excuses, You replace what you said

I am turning happy pages

You are there, between the words

You are closing outside doors

I am rustling in the curtains

I have left things best unsaid

You are nailing me on the head

You tended to the garden tulips

I swept dream leaves late last fall

You are saving forgotten pictures

I finally cleaned off our north windows

I am spinning sugary fairytales

You are calmly filling pickle jars

You are taking copious notes

I try sorting random memories

You write letters by your flowers

I feel quite safe down in the basement

I am combining unrelated lists

You take off wandering an inner pilgrimage

You decide not to bother now

I spend way too much time, back then

I will often soundly daydream

You take naps with your dead mother

You still have what was a good line

I replaced the tattered script I finally lost

I am finding clever reasons

You replace what you had said

I look for more missing pieces

You struggle with the increasing autumn darkness

You are standing quite nearby

I just could, not quite, grasp your hand

Just one snowflake swirling

Just one snowflake swirling during the height of the mighty storm

A single quark in an atom of a protein molecule on one cell in my brain

A single note in the chorus of the marsh as the sun grows warm again

Just one voice among the billions either dead, alive or as yet unborn

Just one moment, quite important, except light years away in any direction

The only tree in miles of forest where lightning chose to strike

Just one small planet of an average yellow star midway out in a common spiral galaxy

One billion years of geological change witnessed by absolutely nothing

Colorful patterns emitting subconscious messages from the wing of a butterfly

Just one boy notices for the briefest moment as she alights just one time

Just a ripple of the many on a single lake when the breeze comes up one day

One mossy, glacially-striated granite boulder in that vast northern woods

An eye falls upon a single pebble among hundreds of thousands strewn about

Just one neuron fires in the hiker and no conscious thought emerges

Just one photon emitted long ago speeds past a blue-green cloud-rippled paradise

A billion cries for food and shelter turn into white background noise

Water dripping from the glacier has not yet become the river we will experience

Just one small flame from the roaring bonfire rends a single word of my book

Just one dream may fuel a people’s imagination for entire generations

A single skeleton encased in stone gives rise to a moment’s pause

Just one instant in the implacable present, so quickly gone despite my many efforts

Narrow beam of reason disappears in a fog of ignorance and superstition

The pallid sun of December briefly lights the room and then the long night falls

Just one more acre cleared will help to feed us and cannot do much harm

Just one life condemned to ignorance, hunger and filth cannot sway our faith

Just one salty teardrop falls drying in that hot, red desert sand

A single prayer cast outward into the twinkling black of the celestial firmament

Just one more futile gesture in a city fueled by desperate need

Just one more forgotten moment in a string of days from many years, now all long gone by

A single-celled creature living large in one drop of greenish pond water

The very first fat raindrop lost in the dust raised by its approaching storm

Just one life form based on carbon given over to a moment’s passion

Just one light ray refracted through one water molecule in a rainbow

The last waking thought in a meditation that morphs slowly into restful sleep

A single simple stone among all the rest in a long and winding gravel road

Just one shortest riff of the sound of a creek roaring in the Spring

Just one more filthy refugee trudging amid the sighing, shuffling pilgrims

The anonymous steer in the slaughter house with brown eyes so very full of soul

Simple problem that unravels systems far beyond its own importance

Just one second before the explosion and things remain quite ordinary

Just one more drink should solve the problems plaguing me like biting flies

A single golden leaf spins ground-ward on a still and sunny autumn day

A child alone whimpering in a cold building with shining antiseptic floors

Just one more winter comber slams itself upon the ancient rocky shore

Just one more bitter pill to swallow in a lifetime of mental self-medication

One and only one inattention brings on death in a quick, but casual, fashion

Just one happy smile can lift the gloom that settled in like some densest fog

The faintest chance of one small victory vies evenly with the certainty of death

A single light after miles of driving may seem either lonely or inviting

Just one brief thought spreading out from but a single soul among the billions

Just one day in an era of an epoch on a short-lived, but fortunate, planet

Just one more Monday arrives too quickly as yet another weekend fades away

Just one song in the misty pre-dawn stillness begins the entire avian chorus

In a single flash of insight an old problem is finally solved, for once and for all

Relative To One Another

I am slowing down as you are speeding up and we pass at an angle to time

They go up and we move down with the vast oceanic swells between us

Rotating slowly I see the beauty of the stars and galaxies all around us

Spinning too fast in my time I became disoriented and confused

I am folding up my ragged tent as you stake your newest claim

Her mother can no longer stand but your child has just learned to crawl

I am passing you as he is passing me and we cannot yet get out of their way

There is a new well in your village and we celebrate by our swimming pool

I read my book as you send one-fingered messages off somewhere into the ether

The snow that sent you off the road was welcomed by the farmers

We carved different ellipses around an invisible center of gravity

They waste more than they can ever use as we eke by on castoff remnants

I traveled quite slowly but was struck head-on by a speeding semi

When at last I returned it seemed nothing had changed but no one recognized me, either

The loss of the microscopic diatoms spelled disaster for the whales

Parts of seconds were to seconds as seconds were to the age of the universe

Her long lifetime could not be seen on the smallest of geologic time scales

All their simpering adulation could not push his boat across to heaven

We pass closely heading in different directions in all four known dimensions

Their silly propaganda changes timbre, Doppler shifting with the passing election

We observe a planet perturbing its sun as we are swarmed by microscopic mites

We attack our enemies while trillions of our cells hungrily struggle for their blood supply

Gentle winter sunlight shows the soft side of nuclear fusion on a truly massive scale

We destroy expensive, sophisticated satellites with simple high-speed brute force collisions

I am spinning slowly around in circles but you - You are really making a mark

A sun-glassed business woman phoning in a leased car distractedly strikes a fawn

I am sliding down the hill smiling, never to ascend again

He still climbs upward, his fatigue masked by the anticipation of the run

We both stand quite still as my train leaves you behind at the station

I briefly continue moving in small arcs after stepping off the merry-go-round

This seemingly small increase in temperature rippled through the biosphere

The insects hatched early, the chicks starved and the trees were decimated

My bobber went down just as you roared by shouting hoarsely from your speedboat

I sat down to be served as she struggled with the wood for their cooking fire

Our music and fireworks filled the air but not a sound went into space

I paused behind my muddy ox as your silvery jet gleamed far, far overhead

The difference in our ages would make a full lifetime for someone else

Our fossil bones would mix and date to plus or minus a thousand generations

The look in the eyes of the mutely destitute mother spoke too much to me

He thought disdainfully of all the little words he could ever hope to write

The poverty, filth, sickness, slave labor and lack of hope were as nothing -

Given the wondrous future paradise he learned of in the magnificence of the mosque

The clockwork universe was underpinned by the chaos of quantum uncertainty

Our most basic assumptions proved devastating to our ecological niche

I lay on my back with arms outspread in a field bright with spring flowers

20000 miles above, a geo-synchronous satellite moved right along with me

I breathed deeply as my beautiful vehicle turned oxygen into gases, poisonous to me

You survived by cutting firewood as your goats denuded the drying hillsides

He had his two sons and their daughter-in-laws, so he did not work any more

He strove hard to attain a corporate jet and to earn a 7 figure bonus every year

She remembered as a child that it snowed very heavily and it was always cold

Now, her obese youngsters went about smirkingly in baggy shorts and tees all year round

Each small change was imperceptible but the first and last photos were truly of different men

The runners showed amazing speed, but you casually drove by them so much faster

Dinosaurs dominated the earth for 160 million years but left here 65 million years ago

Our written history began about 5000 years ago with simple bookkeeping records

The sunlight that sustains me takes 8 minutes from its surface to my forehead

Four and a half years later, at 186k mps, it reaches the very nearest star

He looked at me with those soft brown eyes and I just had to stroke his ear

A long line of crowded stinking semis brought more cattle to the slaughterhouse

I am slowing down as you are speeding up, but for a while we have communications

I stand still on this rotating earth, orbiting the sun which revolves about the Milky Way as it moves towards constellation Hydra at a mere 600 kilometers per second

Which Way Do You Lean?

Would you rather indulge yourself in the service of a fine hotel

Or camp in a quiet aspen grove

Would you take an adventure in a guided raft

Or go kayaking with some friends

Is it more enjoyable to order up at an expensive restaurant

Or to cook good food in your own home kitchen

Would it be better to have a new car very soon because it feels so good

Or to get the old one fixed up for a couple more years of service

Would you rather have neat, green and well-manicured bluegrass

Or a healthy un-mown assemblage of fairly-wild, native plants

Would you like to try the tender, tied-down, milk-fed veal

Or our free-range, no-antibiotic chicken

Shall we lay on the beach in our new bikinis

Or walk down the coast to that empty cove

Do you want to explore all the shops we saw coming in

Or take the steep hike on up to the waterfall

Are you having the pancakes with sausage and eggs

Or the crusty fresh bread with butter and jam

Would you rather get cleaned up and go out for happy hour

Or hike up to the overlook in time for the sunset

Would you be more likely to paint your toenails

Or to go for a ride on your mountain bike

Do you always buy the latest model snowboard brand new

Or can you be happy with a demo from the season before

Would you prefer to make a new acquaintance here in town

Or go on a trip to somewhere that you’ve never been

Do you like to stay up until 2 in the morning

Or do you usually try and get up before the sun rises

Would you pop in your ear buds

Or listen to the wind in the trees

Do you study the scriptures for structured and concrete answers

Or try to decipher the mysteries of science

Would you rather hop on your snarling dirt bike or ATV

Or ride off on a bicycle to a trailhead leading to the wilderness

Do you picture yourself with a nice tombstone in a peaceful cemetery

Or do you see a tree planted in the woods, fed by your remains

Would you really like a brand new home

Or would you prefer something older with a little character

Do you believe that unfettered capitalism will naturally yield us the brightest future

Or do you feel that planning and foresight is required for tomorrow

Would you like easier access and urban services in our parks and our forests

Or is it vitally important to preserve our wild places intact for the future

Would you like to skim across the water on a powerful jet ski

Or catch every bit of a breeze on a finely-rigged sailboat

Is your path chiseled in stone after prayers for guidance

Or would you change your views based on new information

Would you rather drive really fast with the radar detector on full alert

Or kick back and save gas while enjoying the scenery

Would you like to pop off your lounge chair and into the pool

Or walk down through the trees and jump in the lake

Would you first get your wrinkles treated

Or have your eyes surgically repaired

Would you rather a piece of rich chocolate dessert

Or an extra helping of that delicious main course

Is Europe quaint, but politically old-fashioned, and pretty irrelevant

Or should we bond more tightly with those with whom we share blood

Would you rather have a beer with friends and watch the big game

Or sip a little red wine and maybe take in a foreign movie

Do you like to discuss opportunities to cash in on insider real estate deals

Or castigate those who took artificial home equity to pay off their credit cards

Would you prefer to remain focused on keeping things as affordable as possible

Or changing our habits to attain a sustainable society lifestyle

Are you at peace with your faith regarding your everlasting soul

Or do you ponder briefly the unknowable in the onrushing void

Do you believe in man’s God-given dominion over this earth and all its creatures

Or is that likely only a selfish rationalization for destruction and torture

Would you rather remain a lifelong conservative, holding fast to traditional values

Or can you tolerate ambiguity and willingly toss aside wornout beliefs

Do you enjoy driving to the health club to read on the treadmill

Or do you walk around your neighborhood to get a little exercise

Do you know how the market is doing and where interest rates are going today

Or are you spending too much time sorting dirty trash for pointless recycling

Do you spot opportunities for a quick profit as you happen to drive by

Or do you see meaningful images on old tree trunks and incised on mossy boulders

Can you build consensus and share a team vision going forward

Or do you prefer small hardworking groups with unspoken communication

When you go skiing do you want the sun to always be shining

Or are you quite happy when it is snowing like hell

Would you rather take the quiet comfort of faith about all things you do not understand

Or burn out in the unbelievable miracle of every waking moment

Is That Guy On Tacitril Or What!?

It really should go without saying...

It really is an absolute wonder drug that finally turned my life right around, so much for the better

Now I know when to keep to good silence instead of shooting off my stupid mouth once again

No more do I suffer the after-effects of unreasoned outbursts that I could not Even control

I no longer bore and anger my co-workers with my irrelevant ramblings at their Big Meetings

I can serenely sit back as others go way overboard, far off the deep end and never shut up

Tacitril has taught me to say so much more, simply by talking far, far less

I even started hearing a lot of the other randomly excess noise with which we fill the world

Now I realize that silence is no frightening void that I must forever try to fill with verbal spam

A daily dose and I’ve stopped yelling at those hateful, cosmetically-enhanced anchor people

I lost the urge to keep making up lame questions, vainly trying to assure myself that I’m smart

It’s really been helpful to silently let others trail off alone into the weeds of foolish nonsense

Merely remaining quiet has become a great weapon which creates confusion in my superiors

I simply don’t have that fool need to recap, rehash and re-iterate like I used to anymore

I just let the kids and the wife talk themselves off into stammered, evaporating mumbles

Yes, I nod my head, but not in agreement, merely acknowledging that I heard what my boss said

Every meeting reinforces my stillness as I filter their compulsive, but empty, chatter

Talking in circles around the point just to hear my own voice is no longer satisfying for me

It’s easy to forgo pointless sidetracking of important discussions just to show that I am present

I can detect their BS more quickly now since I’m not always only thinking about what I will say next

Sometimes my reticence even provokes a satisfying rise from those who simply cannot be still

Now I find my silence as full of meaning as anything I could ever have hoped to blurt out

I find it as pointless to try and have the last word as to talk over our incessant and vapid noise

I forgot what it’s like to lay awake just wishing that I could have kept my stupid mouth shut

I’m satisfied just hearing the movers and the shakers hanging themselves out to dry, again

I cut out the preambles, the redundant flourishes and repetitive conclusions from my speech

I respond to their frothy clarion calls to corporate boldness with a politely expectant silence

It’s easy to deny them the pleasure of empty, long-winded responses by withholding dumb questions

No longer do I erupt irrationally because my blood pressure is too high and heart rate too fast

Nowadays, I’m far more likely to think “I’m glad I didn’t say that” than “I wish I’d said that”

I lost the sorry need to try and sell other’s scripted soundbites via my own constant repetition

Happily, I no longer bother attempting to talk over those who have interrupted me, once again

No more parroting sports stats, movie lines, advertising slogans or political catchphrases for me

Don’t sarcastically back-sass cops until they finally just decide to write me up real good

Politely ask the telemarketers to wait and leave them on hold, instead of yelling and blustering

Sure, I’m still angry, insecure, confused, scared and nervous, but I don’t have to broadcast it

I have learned that silence really is a very simple, yet very powerful and totally unlimited blessing

Unrecorded Sunsets

butterflies fluttering through this thick green august haze

and the universe quietly expands away forever, at light speed, in all directions

ancient dragon flies mating on the wing whirling in a gentle breeze

unaware there will be no skies nor even any stars before they could know it

the sun slowly melting the sky red as it sets in the west

how long will that starlight travel on after that one star is gone?

the clouds building up again in their fantastic formulations

how many of the infinite sunsets every day go simply unrecorded?

although life may be evolving from quite simple to more complex,

it seems that cosmic entropy will always be increasing

our naked toes wiggling delightfully in the cool, moist grass of june

so, where then are our memories when matter's density approaches zero?

the present exploding all around and directly into our senses

always faintly echoed off that backdrop we have merey labeled as the eternal void

the mountains lifting high enough to support fantastic snow in summer

someday the planet must be covered uniformly, once again, by the sea

birds calling and their songs replay inside our heads as we are walking

so much more than they had to be, simply to survive just to procreate

the tiny streams endlessly improvising infinite fractal solos upon a single theme

how can those beautiful tinklings have meaning only in our minds?

wildflowers showing different lovely patterns in the spectrum of the infrared

layers of beauty that only insect eyes could naturally appreciate

finding rich evidence for biological progression throughout the long millennia

we can only wonder if the life force itself is somehow self-aware

the restless sea always bringing slightly different waves to the shore

it may be a random pattern, but really, it is not so simple

the sunshine, the clouds, the insects and the plants create a sustaining expectation

another almost-grasped sunset passes us by, perhaps pregnantly, once again