Lifting Off From This Life

and as I saw myself where I lay quite still, just barely breathing

I began to leave in peaceful radiations

rising up, I separate, and leave a trail of gently streaming images

passing straight through the picture window as though it is not there

rising freely, tucking backward, a back dive arching upward

arms spread quite wide and I’m trailing, a rainbow colored mist

moving onward, climbing upward at a steeper angle, the foothills fall away

and from a spot between my eyes, an infinite image is unwound

much higher now, but not too far off, the mountainous divide comes into view

so very free and beyond being calm, evaporating in the contrail of my soul

heading West and ever higher my density decreases

in somersaults and laid out back flips, an entire journey in an instant

and then, high enough at once, I see the curve of our miraculous atmosphere

at last so free with arms outspread, it is escape velocity for me

moving cross the moon's lovely face a bright blue planet shines far below

then on around to the dark side to slingshot away with even greater speed

and faster now, cruising openly with the photons from the sun

leave the friendly ecliptic behind to get a feeling for the void

and in four short years my soul can visit nearby Proxima Centauri

but at this speed time passes so very slowly that I am aged but very little

Effortlessly realizing that nothing good comes for free

Peeling back the silky mandala one gauzy layer at a time

Gazing back out through its crystalline structure from a central void

Then suddenly and necessarily, without any conscious effort

It is that first real time up, riding on that old bicycle

Always in that process of learning something new

not merely chattering to simply hide good silence

Taking pride and pleasure in the basics of life

Feeling the native wisdom of hot sweat and hard breathing

Studying deeply as well as reading widely

getting up before the sun

Knowing how to do things with the use of your own hands

Cooking food yourselves and sharing it at home

Watching the cycles of the moon, the sun and the seasons of the earth

Remaining simply aware of the subtle sounds of nature

Finding use for anger but not living driven blindly by rage

Sharing as much love in any way as often as you can

Traveling far but not forsaking the good home that you have made

Always being sure that you can still read and write

Respecting the old, repairing the broken, knowing the history

relaxing your entire body one part at a time

Understanding that you can’t be any happier than the saddest you have ever been

Making every single day a good day to die

Being honest and avoiding salesmanship

Knowing yourself and listening to others

Not letting their noise and confusion mask the vast emptiness

Seeking out the quiet places and letting them fill you up

Adjusting constantly and unconsciously to the eye of the storm

Effortlessly realizing that nothing good comes for free

NAN - Not A Number

 
    NAN – Not A Number: a purported numeric representation found invalid by any CPU

Face down with my eyes closed for a moment on a brilliant summer day

Switching my thoughts from dry and empty words to illustrative imaging

Arms outspread and feeling for earth’s smooth rotation underneath me

Smelling the moist brown sod beneath the green grass that’s tickling my nose

Ears pricked to catch the silence of our planet’s revolution about its star

Feeling the moon tracing around us, constantly changing her expression

Alert to the momentary minuscule changes in the output of our sun on my back

Aware of its rotational plane with respect to our own Milky Way

Observing as I move slowly upward and somewhere away from myself

Brain waves smoothing into that ancient, nearly-forgotten, frequency and rhythm

Relaxing, smoothing and soothing every part of my conscious anatomy

Anchoring at a center from which all things move away at the speed of light

NAN is not a number but it is the sum of all of my small experiences

My own unique personal version from one of the uncountable different infinities

Feeling my heart slowing as it nonetheless inexorably tolls my 3 billion allotted beats

Hearing an old German church bell again on that quiet Sunday morning in October

But, jet-lagged and sleep-deprived or fit and well-rested, my dust will be the same

Merging with smaller galaxies we encounter, on a route that seems to be directed

Tracing a path through the cosmos without conscious purpose and to no planned end

Aware of the bee as she buzzes about a neighbor of mine standing here in full flower

When Thoughts have lost their words

I am only breathing

          Breathing deeply, very slowly

All the noise seems safely, very safely, far away

          Letting go of everything, everywhere, all at once

It is simple breathing, as the hurried world rushes past

          Softly breathing here, quietly, just behind my eyes

I am only breathing

          Slowly, slowly filling with a mild sense of calmness

Each inhalation brings a bit of cosmic background peace

          Each exhalation, part of that deep relieving sigh

There is nothing more required

          Thoughts have lost their words

I am only breathing

          Delicate and subtle but somehow very vast

A warm glow suffusing from somewhere deep within

          When I am filled inside, I see that it surrounds

A center spreading outward, smoothing angry tides

          A calm that reaches well down into my autonomic side

Warmth and tranquility spreads from my soles to my scalp

          A phrase repeated as I respire nurtures every cell

For I am only breathing

          Innocent and fragile, feeding inner strength

The restful hum of the quiet mind comes to the fore

          My gratitude is mixed with a faint sense of relief

Moving smoothly now in time, no longer young or old

          Sometimes even floating skyward in our blue atmosphere

I am only breathing

          But my brain is producing, a set of characteristic waves

I warm each and every ache and pain and relax all of my old wounds

          with that calming flow of radiant energy from the center

Increasingly I am absent in the middle of my breaths

          Then slowly come the images at the edge of sleep

I am only breathing

          The adrenaline ceases running and my vital signs slow down

I clear aside my worries and anxieties, the fears and the doubts

          I am safe somewhere inside the instant between each calming breath

I let go of time as I did while floating in my mother’s womb

          Bird calls and breezes can now become part of me

I am only breathing

          Briefly, I am not driven by empty hunger and undirected restlessness

Random thoughts of pressing issues slowly decrease in frequency

          During some intervals I am broadcasting my most harmonic waves

I am quietly filled with a subtle ether, quite dilute and very mild

          Seconds change to minutes in the rhythms of the houseplants

I am only breathing

          Yet it frees the quiet joy at the privilege of simply being